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Speechless.

First off, people are amazing. No matter how many times you or I may think otherwise, there are A LOT of amazing people in the world, and a lot of them in your own backyard. You just can't ever, NEVER EVER, let the people who are rude, ruin the fact that amazing people are out there, everywhere, most just living humbly while being wonderfully awesome.

With that said, I need to fire off a massive (in terms of words) list of awesome people that I must thank particularly today, which I must start with my donor, the person whose life had to end too soon and had a very bittersweet ending, since theirs ended at the very beginning of mine. Their healthy lungs fueled my brand new life. There are no words to express that thankfulness to a person who basically passed away only to give you the chance to survive in the world with people, the ones you love, and the ones who love you back.

People, it may have really only been one's life that changed, but many people are the reason that my life is the way it is. The reason I have this gift and second chance.

Next I must talk about my donors family, the idea that they had all the power in the world and in all their heartbreak to say yes or no to organ donation, YES OR NO!! They had the power to pretty much decide if I lived or died because I didn't have much left. This makes them 1 in a million on the list of people that I am more than extremely grateful for, I very possibly may not have been alive without them and their selfless decision. It is very possible, almost completely, seriously, honestly, am 100% certainly, possible that if I were to encounter these people I would either pass out, or be completely SPEECHLESS. Or most likely both. It is just too much sometimes knowing they are out there, grieving the loss of their loved one, while I am living some of the best times of my entire life. Lastly I must thank my family, friends, and my larger than normal group of people who form the greatest support group I could have ever imagined to have in my life, without them, this second chance at life wouldn't be anywhere near the same.

I know now and forever that I am and will continue to be speechless. Speechless to be alive. Speechless at my quality of life. Speechless at medical techonology, doctors and surgeons. Speechless at peoples generosity  and support. Speechless <3.

CF Therapy during one of many hospitals stays.

Switching gears for a moment. As I sit here on my computer. Having just done a short bike ride yesterday, awaiting the weekend which I have been preparing for since I decided to go on this grand adventure for my 1 year lungiversary. I began thinking about 1 year ago. I year ago yesterday I was sitting in my bed on my bi-pap wondering if I was even ever going to be re-listed. Listed so that I would have a chance at new lungs, or even the hope of getting new lungs in the future. 1 Year ago, I knew that my lung function was less than 17% as it had been dropping and had not been tested for over 3 months. One year ago I was strapped to oxygen at 5 liters just to get barely 90% Oxygen saturation out of my Cystic Fibrosis infected lungs, strapped to my bi-pap if I needed rest, strapped to my IV which held life sustaining antibiotics that were no longer working, sucking on nebulizers with antibiotics and other things to ease my tired lungs and hopefully help the multiple daily coughing fits, strapped in my vest attempting to shake out the nasty bacteria filled mucus that plagued my poor dying lungs, strapped to my feeding tube trying to keep my weight up so that I wouldn't wither away before I got the call if i was blessed or lucky enough to even be re-listed. I was in that life, the life I had been living since my parents found out their 8 month old daughter had one of the rarest childhood diseases know to America at the time, knowing that I would not live into my teens or even that, not knowing what to expect in anyway except that I was their first child, and this diagnosis was our reality.

Lung transplant was the only reality worth having hope in for end stage Cystic Fibrosis, because no one wants to talk about the real unavoidable truth that accompanies end stage CF.

Exactly 1 year ago today I was re-listed. Finally, after almost all hope had dwindled to nothing, after the unavoidable questions started rolling through my brain. Thats when my dad got that call, the one we had been waiting for, and when he told us what had just happened we were just carrying on as normal, just knowing we needed to chill, pack go-bags like the other times I'd been listed, knowing we had to have our phones with us at all times because at any minute we could get that phone call. All the other times it had been months on the list and nothing had happened, hope wasn't as it used to be when waiting to be listed, but we had a certain excitement that only could be explained by the relief we felt as if we knew I might not die waiting for new lungs after all.

I might make it. The hope gained from being listed is immediate.

The part that is insane is what happened next. Around 10:00PM on September 15th 2010, only hours after the call alerting us of my re-listing, my dad received another a phone call, from the University of Washington, saying that they had lungs, they had new lungs for ME. Yeah, it was a bit hard to process, when only moments before we had gotten the call of the re-listing, who would have thought? NOT US! We both hopped in the car in a heartbeat, knowing we would feel better if we were already down there, my mom staying to pack last minute items in case she ended up down there for three or four weeks at a time, and attempting to call our close friends and family as well as she could, while other friends carried out the phone tree we had prepared months before. We arrived late as my dad was driving slow, slow driving and an already 2 hour drive equaled A LONG TIME IN A CAR WHILE PRACTICALLY DYING INSIDE. We were both in extreme shock and barely exchanged a word the entire way, this can't really be happening… that is all I could think.

It just a dry run. Its a dry run, I know it. Everyone had a dry run and I hadn't had mine so this had to be it! There is no possible way I am getting lungs tonight, that is just insane.

Or so I thought… Upon arriving at the hospital, after 1:00 in the morning. I was placed in an ICU room, the ones post lung transplant patients were taken to after their surgery. I changed into hospital attire and they told me to get comfortable and sleep if I wanted to, which felt like the farthest thing from possible to try and achieve at that moment. Eventually I passed out around 3AM probably from stress or sleep deprivation, who knows. As I woke up only hours later, it all seemed so weird, friends started arriving and family stayed close, all not knowing if this was going to be their last goodbye or a shared group effort in good thoughts so I would know that all these people would be there when I came out of recovery, and they would all be exactly the same. Either or we sat around, now September 16th 2010, trying to ease the feeling of anxiousness mixed with worry and a tiny bit of heart failure shaken in. They kept pushing back the time they were supposed to come get me saying, 1:00pm is the time, then 2:30pm etc, which made us even more on the edge. As nervous as we were, as soon as we finally calmed down a bit and began to set up a game, they came.

About to be rolled into surgery.

HOLY SHIT! And we're rollin'

Rolling away was, well.. I have no idea, it was like a moment of blackout, because there were only 2 thoughts in my head at that point. Here I go, I am either going to wake up with new lungs, and a second chance that not very many people in the world have been given, or I am going to die on the operating table.. Right then at that exact moment, rolling away from my mom after close to 10 failed attempts at getting an IV in my wrist artery for arterial gasses and other things, also proven good for taking your mind off of what was actually happening, I came up with a conclusion to fix every feeling I had had since the time of the call. This was it, I had a good run, I did everything I could in every aspect of life and I was content, If I came out alive, it was a bonus, but I wasn't afraid to know I might not wake up. I was only afraid of the people I would be forced to leave behind, all of them, the ones I loved.

1 Year Ago TODAY I Woke up with new lungs.

And here I am. Who am I to thank? MY DONOR OF COURSE! As well as doctors, nurses, & family.

I won't even begin to bore you with the facts, in other words, what I've been able to do since the day I walked out of that hospital less than a year ago, but, breathing 100% of the oxygen that I was meant to breath just had to take a detour. Lets just say RoadTrips, VisitingFriends, Snowboard, TrainMyDog, Hiking, Biking, Driving, SpendingTimeWithFamily, TravelbyPlane, Running, & among other MiscellaneousAdeventures I LIVED IT UP!

HERES TO YEAR NUMBER 2!

I'M ALIVE - Oh yeah!